am really excited. I have bought the textbooks for the HKAL and
I really look forward to fighting another battle. I thirst for
battle. Only the HKAL result will speak for me. And let that be
realized, my result is entirely due to my unceasing efforts, not
what my mum put as " It's in every sense correct to send you to
tutorial class." It is my merits. I can still get it without the
tutorial class. I have striven for it. And I have not only striven
for it, but I went into the details, examined it closely, and
thought it over for many times. I deserve it. I am not a machine
which simply put back what was taught. Recitation does not make
a winner, anymore than a dictionary can be called grammar. However,
my parents arbitrarily ignore it. I hate them.
strange for me to write something down on a day I received no
call and stayed at home. I have gone through a psychological journey,
a tiring one.
I have glanced through the Business Study textbook which was similar
to the HKCEE level Commerce. The first chapter was the introduction.
As it was very boring, it was only a few minutes before I turned
to the next chapter. However, I could not understand what the
chapter was saying. I told myself to concentrate and read it once
again. The second reading took me less time and that was all.
I still did not have the slightest idea on what it was suggesting.
I could not stop myself wondering that my distinction in Commerce
was to a certain extent due to the tutorial class. Soon, I even
began to believe I had no talent in Commerce. A distinction in
Commerce meant nothing but I had devoted time to it. Getting a
distinction is always sweet to remember. But I am among the few
who would not forgive himself if it were only due to his time
devoted to it. To put it in a discriminatory term, I could not
tolerate the idea "I am a fool but I can be of some help." It's
the slogan to push people forward to accept the mentally retarded.
But that is what me, John, stands for. Everyone considers himself
to be a genius and pain inevitably comes when one begins to realize
the plain fact, the mirror that reflects all things fully and
precisely. I ask myself, "John, can't you be satisfied with being
a fool and be of some help to others? If you are that fool, you
have lived your life to the fullest. And you will not regret when
you are to pass away. People at the funeral will cry for you and
miss you. John, can't you be content with that?" I was really
tired. My endless wishes are all source of trouble. "John, you
want to have achievement and want to attain it with the ease of
smiled while reading his diary, going through the same psychological
journey he had gone through before. He picked up his pen and wrote...
stylish handwriting goes, I know I was trapped in the pursuit
of self-recognition. It is the whole world to me. Economists assert
that people are maximizing utility and what they are doing is
for the utility. And the utility I am to assert is self-recognition.
If someone comes to me and says it is a money-driven society,
I will not object. But I would like to point out there are a great
more people who would be very willing to die for the pursuit of
self-recognition. In Chinese history, after a seizure of power,
the intellectuals who had hold high posts in the former reign,
were not moved by money to serve the new ruler and feared no execution.
They were men of dignity who appreciated their masters had taken
every piece of their advice unreservedly. They knew they could
only thank their masters by working hard and were prepared to
die for their masters. This is an evident example of self-recognition.
We are doing similar things in our daily life. We would be delighted
for praise. We would feel anxious if we do not meet our standard.
We would blame ourselves or do harm to ourselves then. Self-recognition
is the motive behind everything. Even justice cannot be exempted.
People exercise justice to show that they are just and reliable
and enjoy being the justice, another form of self-recognition.
It is a corollary that I hated my beloved parents as they have
tampered my self-recognition by suggesting it was wise to send
me to tutorial class and gave a second thought to emergency plan
in case of a failure in HKCEE. John read his passage once
He felt a very strong impulse in himself. He turned to the page
with a piece of leaf as bookmark. He picked it up from the football
field in the campus and dehydrated it in the Chemistry laboratory.
The manuscript reads,
year in Form six was the happiest time in my life. Of course,
Wah Yan is no playground and I no longer find any fun in the silly
jokes. I have shed blood, tear and sweat in the brotherhood of
Wah Yan. But I do treasure it. My school is a soil free for us
to shape our future. It has no seclusion policy. It respects every
individual. The school regulations are set leniently and are never
exercised seriously. It believes the students are self-disciplined.
We do not have that sort of system that a student having been
late for three times would be sent to detention. And when students
have been sent to detention for more than twice have to see the
disciplinary master. The school prefects do not have to report
the mischief of the students, let alone the power to punish them.
a year's work in organizing extra-curricular activities, I am
surprised by the liberty allowed by school. Unlike most other
schools I have come across, the supervisors stand aside and it
is up to the students themselves to arrange the programmes all
on their own. The ultimate power rests with the students. Many
other school authorities could hardly imagine leaving the programmes
and the school album to the students. They believe it will take
more time for them to clean the mess left by the students than
to do it themselves. In
Yan, we made occasional mistakes. No one will criticize us but
we, out of self-recognition, will be annoyed with our performance
that was not worthy of our talents. We will be sorry to have disappointed
those who have back the ideology of believing the students and
leaving a free hand to them. We are touched. They have given us
the greatest support actually -- The greatest respect that can
be paid to anyone is let them assume responsibility. We swear
we will be better. Somewhere else, the idea of running a similar
activity that has failed once would be nipped in the bud. The
ideology of my beloved school is the opposite. The fathers and
teachers here just handed us another blank cheque. Once again,
they cast their vote of confidence for us. If we were not trusted
but were much constrained, we would never come to realize our
full potential. We would remain shy and whenever problems come
we would turn to the teachers for advice without giving a second
thought. We could at most be good executors. In trust, we grow
in self-confidence and become independent. This is the education
that guarantees the outcome of education as recognition as oneself
and acquisition of what is necessary to educate himself on his
might not attain the best result, in both the academic and the
extra-curricular field. But we dare to take responsibility. We
will not be over-cautious to avoid all possible mistakes. We believe
in ourselves and we do what is expected of us. Wah Yan might not
have students with 10 distinctions but I feel entitled to flatter
ourselves that we have students who would leave something of permanent
value to the world and whose names would descend to posterity.
The trust backing every Wahyanite is what makes Wah Yan as it
John closed the diary and took out his reference book. He would
strive for Wah Yan in the coming public examination. He knew he
would never be speechless before his close old friend and would
tell him he would not hesitate in sending his sons, if any, to
Man Kit, Eric